@WilliamAder: In Russia, Pokemon find you.
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@ANastyGorilla: My brother's so homophobic that if he dropped his keys in San Francisco he'd kick them to Oakland before bending over to pick them up.
@LindaInDisguise: After sitting in the labor and delivery waiting room chairs for 12 hours, I need an epidural as much as those women in labor do.
@sarcasticmommy4: Me: I have too much to do, there’s not enough hours in this day! Also me: *takes buzzfeed quiz to see what my Easter Bunny name is*
@GuyThe_Guy: I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.