@wittwitbarista: In Seattle, there's a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.
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@thetobbie: The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
@juliussharpe: Gotta be careful. My astrologer just warned me someone pretending to predict the future would steal my money.
@valenty__: Leo: *names his child Oscar* Doctor: "Would you like to hol-" Leo: "Say it like we rehearsed it." Doctor: *sighs* "And the Oscar goes to..."
@Kimgee8: Relationship status: the doorbell rings, my heart is pounding, it's the pizza delivery guy. Three-cheese, double toppings, thick crust.