@wittwitbarista: In Seattle, there's a code that states when two people are walking towards each other, the one with the bigger coffee cup passes first.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Check out that car. It has 400 horses. 5-year-old: Where does all the poop go?
@sarcasticmommy4: Parenthood has taught me that you can ruin someone's day by asking "did you brush your teeth?"
@GianDoh: If someone says "With all due respect," what follows is the verbal equivalent of a captive chimp hurling feces at you.
@NOTVIKING: date: i think my eyebrows are my worst feature me: [trying to compliment her] not true, you have many worse features