@Shut_up_Marissa: In sign language, the story of my life can be told through a series of facepalms.
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@donni: MAYOR: I now present you a key to the city ME: So long, suckers! *hops in city and drives away* MAYOR: Come back! I need that for work!
@dysondoc: The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge.
@MariyaAlexander: Someone please recommend a self-help book that can teach me how to sleep through an alarm.