@trevso_electric: In Soviet Russia, tired joke format tweets YOU.
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@LizHackett: Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought.
@jergarl: The Wizard of Oz is my favorite children's book that teaches us that it's ok to steal shoes from someone as long as they're dead.
@internetluke: [talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man
@david8hughes: [in the ambulance] Paramedic: what's your blood type? Me: whatever. I'm not fussy