@Laser_Cat: In space, no one can hear you scream. Because it's space, and everyone is on the ground. What are you even doing up there?
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@Gooooats: It turns out no one likes "the real me" and they have asked the priest to reverse my exorcism.
@INDlAN_: [first day as tour guide on the moon] Me: keep your hats on Guy at the back: um they’re called helmets Me: yeah you can take your hat off.
@HatfieldAnne: For two years in high school, I took guitar lessons. Something interesting I learned is that guitar resale nets a 45% loss.
@Playing_Dad: [At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*