@envydatropic: In the 80s they used an egg in a frying pan to demonstrate a brain on drugs only because they didn't have Twitter in the 80s
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@Easy_Tiger__: Gf: do I look fat in these pants? Brain: oh god it's a trap, this is what we've been training for Me: I've seen worse Brain: WTF MAN
@ladybroseph: *A burlap bag is pulled off your head, a bright spotlight is causing you to blink* WHERE DOES THE ARCHIVED MICROSOFT OUTLOOK EMAIL GO.
@T_Longstreth: [Girl over my house] "My ex boyfriend had this weird one-man-band thing. You dont, right?" [Unclipping my harmonica holder] Def not.
@Cpin42: I’m sick of people blaming the Internet when someone gets killed. Watch the History Channel. Hitler didn’t find the Jews on craigslist.