@dubstep4dads: [In the back of the car, imitating GPS voice] IN A HALF MILE, TAKE A SLIGHT RIGHT. ALSO PUT ERICS MIXTAPE BACK ON THAT WAS SO GOOD
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@Book_Krazy: WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those.
@SaraMansford: Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning.
@zachreinert03: Recently joined the mile high club sandwich. That's when you have sex on a plane, and it's with a sandwich