@dubstep4dads: [In the back of the car, imitating GPS voice] IN A HALF MILE, TAKE A SLIGHT RIGHT. ALSO PUT ERICS MIXTAPE BACK ON THAT WAS SO GOOD
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@causticbob: Most people think that being in your 50s is now classed as the new 30s. Take my word for It, the police speed cameras think differently
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Your leg is broken ME: So what happens now? D: We put in a cast & it'll recover naturally HORSE: [sticks head round curtain] WHAT?!!
@garrydavenport: My local cinema was broken into last night and goods worth £15,000 stolen: a packet of popcorn and a medium Coke.
@daemonic3: "Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight." -- The Swiss Army