@soul_crazzy: In the beginning, God made Heaven and Earth... The rest was made in China.
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@amydillon: OTHER KIDS IN RESTAURANT: Restlessly coloring on a placemat waiting for food. MY KIDS: Have already flipped over a booth & set it on fire.
@canadian_jane: If cancer is ever cured it'll probably be because of the people who liked all of the Facebook statuses that are against cancer.
@shegotagronk: Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said "Oh look, 12 new followers!"
@Brianhopecomedy: 100,000 Americans signed a petition to have Justin Bieber deported back to Canada. 8 million Canadians signed a petition to prevent this.