@soul_crazzy: In the beginning, God made Heaven and Earth... The rest was made in China.
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@Jeffwni: Keanu Reeves: THERE'S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE'LL EXPLODE! Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses "Next Stop" signal]
@SkinnerSteven: HIPSTER COP: *into radio* "We've got a 13-88 in progress...it's a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn't know it"
@Holbornlolz: Eastern Europe - 1989 "If we leave the Soviet Union, we might have to get visas to visit Siberia and turnips will be more expensive"
@inoj41: Kissing 101: 1. Open your mouth 2. Wider, that's it. 3. Stick out your tongue 4. Then walk towards her and pray she doesn't run away.