@themorris23: In the car and passed by a cop and my 12 year old says "everyone be cool! Act normal!"nnnExpecting that Father of the Year award any day now
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@KyleMcDowell86: *police sirens* *Dad bursts into my room wearing a panda suit* QUICK HIDE THESE NO TIME TO EXPLAIN *throws a litter of panda cubs at me*
@matt___nelson: "Hey can you take our picture?" ME: yea sure *takes picture* ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
@bengulate: My signature move is falling in love with a beautiful girl, then giving her really good advice on how to date someone else.