@HatfieldAnne: In the early hours, the hoarse retching of a cat with a hairball. First one out of bed has to clean up. My bladder is empty. Bring it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@missrobotnik: The ladies in my knitting club think it's hilarious when I greet them by saying, "Sup, my knittas?!"
@TheSharona06: Me: My tarot cards say that you're going to be in pain soon. Him: Ha! My Magic 8 Ball said No. *hurls Magic 8 Ball at him* Him: Ouch!
@LindaInDisguise: Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?
@Mr_Kapowski: I like to ask people what their sign is and then read them a completely different sign's horoscope just to hear them say "that's so me!"