@JennyJohnsonHi5: In the eye doctor waiting room with my mom. There's apparently an old person throat clearing competition here today.
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@DirtMcTurd: Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white
@SirFlushaLot: "This is wrong on sooo many levels" I say to my victims as I rob them at gun point on elevators.
@daemonic3: [hospital] "Will dad ever wake from his coma?" WIFE: Of course dear [loudly] LET'S GO HOME TO ORGANIZE & RE-ARRANGE HIS TOOLS DAD: I'M UP
@BangMyBongo: Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time.. I say, the person who chose the spelling of, "Colonel" is the biggest liar of all time