@petemandik: In the future I will replace my feet with chainsaws after accidentally cutting them off with my chainsaw hands.
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@KKAlThani: If I had a boy I'd name him "Opportunity" & whenever he knocks on the door I'll say "I bet that's opportunity knocking" & laugh with my wife
@SteveSuckington: "Annie are you ok?" -yep "Are you ok?" -dude, I just said yes "Are you ok Annie?" -THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS MICHAEL
@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@lisaxy424: I set my alarm in a way to try to trick morning-me into getting up earlier, but morning-me is a math wizard and cannot be fooled.