@michael_raphone: [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@celestinelea90: Was in the hot tub a full 3 minutes before I noticed the floating chipmunk so probably don't ask me questions about a crime scene
@MartaEffing: Yes, you take my breath away... But so does a brisk walk, or the sight of an ugly baby. Don't be so flattered.
@david8hughes: Army guy: sniper in the clock tower, 6 o'clock Me [seeing the time on the clock tower says 5 o'clock]: we'll worry about him in an hour then
@AthenaMystique: I'd only convert to Christianity to learn how to turn water to wine. WHADYA MEAN THEY DON'T TEACH YOU THAT? WHAT'S THE POINT, THEN?