@michael_raphone: [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
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@funnybeachgirl: *walks up to fountain* *throws in a shiny penny* *crosses fingers* *makes wish* *looks over at mother-in-law* *does throat slash motion*
@NYC_Blonde: Why do grocery stores double-bag everything? Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong?
@LoriLuvsShoes: How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend