@yonewt: In the movies, anyone can hotwire a car in 10 seconds. In real life, it takes me 20 minutes to find the gas flap release on a rental.
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@aPunch2theJunk: Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement.
@CulturedRuffian: INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run.
@shutupmikeginn: Me:I think I just saw the main guy from Transformers you know, ol' what's his name Friend: Shia Lebouff Me: Yeah, the one whose a truck