@yonewt: In the movies, anyone can hotwire a car in 10 seconds. In real life, it takes me 20 minutes to find the gas flap release on a rental.
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@That_Matt2: You will feel dumb when we find out the guy who headshotted Harambe was from the future trying to prevent Planet of the Apes..
@LittleMissZesty: Me: I'm not saying I hate your voice, but when you start talking, I understand the way dogs feel about fireworks. *howls* Co-worker:
@_Enanem_: I've written a musical called Fish. It's very similar to Cats, although Memory's a lot shorter.
@Spaziotwat: Do yourself a favour: get a dog. Before I got a dog I was ridiculed for walking around with a bag of shit