@ArinLeeMorris: In the near future, little old ladies won't know how to sew, knit, or quilt, but they'll take awesome self-pics in bathroom mirrors.
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@Stabby_smurf: If procrastinating were an Olympic sport, I would show up just in time to miss the medal ceremony.
@TheWoodenslurpy: If a woman asks if she looks fat, it’s not enough to say “no.” You must also act very surprised by the question. Jump backwards if necessary
@briangaar: And I don't want to hear people from imaginary places like Finland telling me that 57 degrees isn't cold, save it for the elves, Santa
@abradacabla: *walks up to Michael Cohen's door* "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Says." "Says who?" "THE POLLS. ALL OF THEM."