@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.
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@Jake_Vig: Customer service stopped recording my calls for training purposes. There's nothing to be learned from that much profanity.
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?
@MrsRupertPupkin: My cat tried to knock over my TV this morning. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING?!
@TEXASVETERAN: All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is that intelligent men don't get into relationships.