@BatBatshitcrazy: In the summer there's only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money.
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@jake_likes_naps: HER: [she puts her hand down my pants] mm what do we have in here ME: [sweatin because thats where I keep my chicken mcnugget stash] nothin
@Thynebear: Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
@VirgoSherry: A co-worker just used the word "elderly" to describe someone my age and that's why I had to kill her.