@BatBatshitcrazy: In the summer there's only so many clothes you can take off. On that note, please send bail money.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
@JPHaddadio: Don't spend money on body modification. If you wait long enough, your body modifies itself for free.
@SaraMansford: *Maintains eye contact with the soccer mom feeding her kid organic kale chips while giving my kid a snickers bar.