[In this tweet spoons fall in love harder than anyone] "My darling I am a spoon for you, you fill my world with frogs" [and frogs are joy]

@whatevererikka: Stop undressing me with your eyes!! Use your teeth.

1

@bencoffeehall: My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding. You'd have to be really laid back to not have a problem with that.

4

@omgthatspunny: Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.

721

@dafloydsta: WIFE: Now stick to the list, okay? ME: I will. [later] WIFE: What the hell? [6 puppies run by] ME: Relax, they were on sale, Karen.

1

@weinerdog4life: How to make friends: Put your clothes on backwards so people don't notice you walking up to them.

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