@SIGKILL: in which a Twitter developer finally discovers Twitter
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@euanDroberts: And the Lord said to Peter "come forth and you will receive eternal life". But Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
@joelu72: [being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card
@SketchesbyBoze: VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name UK: no VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy UK: fine