@SIGKILL: in which a Twitter developer finally discovers Twitter
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@Maxine12333: Wish we had the power of at least one 'do over' in our lives. I used mine up in the 1st grade and winning at hopscotch wasn't worth it.
@PJTLynch: Captain America: I got the alert, what’s the emergency? Avengers: Well, it’s snowing, so... CA [handing over shield]: Last time! Buy a sled!
@truegritrumble: ME: *holding 6 puppies* YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO ADOPT! SPOUSE: Children. I want to adopt CHILDREN. ME: *defensive* They are our children.