@SIGKILL: in which a Twitter developer finally discovers Twitter
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@sip_at_home_mom: This dressing room attendant would be a lot more helpful if she offered to bring me a drink, instead of a different size.
@huntigula: psychic: [sees guy in crowd w/ a pony tail] Sir did u know a Chad? "yes" From karate? "YES" Chad wants u to know he's ok *guy starts crying*
@WilliamAder: I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.
@mjkspeaks: [at airport] TSA: sir, you’ve been randomly chosen for a cavity search. ME: that’s cool i didn’t know my flight included a dental cleaning