@corysnearowski: In WWII soldiers left burlesque magazines around so if an enemy found it he'd yell "HOt DOG" then howl like a wolf & give away his position
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@jazmasta: "We suspect you may have inability to vocalise emotion disease" "I can't say I'm surprised" *doc strokes beard* "Hmm yes.Just as we thought"
@sad_tree: *paramedic holds me as a I lay dying* ME: Tell my family.. all I ever wanted..was a robot butler PM: With a top hat? ME: Of course you idiot
@iwearaonesie: [laying in bed] wife: Did you remember to find a stud before you hung the TV up? me: Yes *sound of TV crashing to the floor* me: No
@Underchilde: [Minister]: Do you take this woman to be your lawful— [Groom]: I’m just here for the open bar.