@TodaysResume: Include a snapshot of Doge the dog with your #resume. When asked about it during the interview, reply "What do you meme?"
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@EndhooS: [Dinner with GFs parents] *Does shadow puppet of a bird* "Thats great but I asked what you do for a living?" Um *smooths tie* I'm unemployed
@DirtMcTurd: 6: Dad what's a Kardashian? Me: Nobody really knows... 6: Sounds really stupid Me: I love you
@occupied_stall: I just saw a woman walk out of the pizza place with 8 large pizzas. Stay with me I'm gonna live stream my proposal..
@RandiLawson: Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now