@ActualPerson084: INCREASINGLY DESPERATE GOOGLE SEARCH FOR "HOW MANY SHADOWS SHOULD I HAVE?"
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@EndhooS: Wife: he's always confusing sayings... Therapist: what if you're just misinterpreting him? Me: oooh, check you out playing devil's avocado
@MarkAgee: If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised.
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Gonna be a hot one today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: Male ostriches can roar like lions. Me: Fair enough, Carl.