@electrolemon: independence day 2 has been out in the US for mere hours and it has already been upstaged by a somehow even worse independence day overseas
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@jewfacekilla: Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too
@njlitigator: Mark Zuckerberg I know you are a new parent but it's way more fun to tell children you are giving away their inheritance when they are teens
@chuuew: THERAPIST: Your notes say that you "scare easily" and are "quite disagreeable". ME: *from behind the couch* That's not true.