@Lazer_Cat_: Independence Day was basically aliens blew shit up and then we gave them a copy of Windows and won the war.
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@64spoons: Got CPR and CCR confused. Ended up playing "Fortunate Son" on my boombox while watching a man die.
@BlindChow: [unleashes dog at dog park] me: don't embarrass me now dog: i won't *sees pretty girl* me: hi, i'm– dog: he drinks wine through a straw
@MandiAtRandom: Girls storing chips in their bras...pfft amateurs. I've got spaghetti and half a taco from this afternoon in there
@better_off_dad: 16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'