@BatmanOffDuty: *Indian sending smoke signals* Buffalo... Coming... *other Indian replies* New... Fire... Who... Dis?
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@KatieBurnett: I've just seen a girl post a selfie with her dead grandma on facebook and thousands have commented "rip". Stop the internet, I wanna get off
@iwearaonesie: [dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!
@dorsalstream: It may just be the parasite talking, but I'm going to climb that super tall building over there and release all my spores.
@LetMeStart: Me: I couldn't eat another thing. Narrator: Oh, she ate another thing. And then some.