@Extranaut: Indians will wait 25 years to have sex but not 25 seconds for the traffic signal to turn green.
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@scorpicpanda: If there's awkward silence & he asks what you're thinking about "emotionally damaged werewolves" is not the best answer. I know this now.
@seriouslyamy: 3 days ago I put a sign on my door that said "I'll be back in 20 minutes". Nobody has bothered me since and I'm never taking it down.
@IamEnidColeslaw: "911, what is your emergency?" I got stuck in a beaded curtain "Again?" SEND HELP
@Ristolable: I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"