@Extranaut: Indians will wait 25 years to have sex but not 25 seconds for the traffic signal to turn green.
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@JaneBadall: Expecting an idiot to admit they're wrong feels a lot like trying to put socks on an octopus.
@AndyAsAdjective: Boss, I can't come in today. Got a bad case of- *puts hand over phone* -what was it again? Daughter: Boogeritis. *to phone* It's Boogeritis.
@TySmithdrums: "I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE," I scream, as a sudden gust of wind blows the spider I threw outside onto my face.