@kelkulus: Inflatable mattresses are great if you like your bed to slowly eat you.
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@7notyours: Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake. Dog-1 Human-0
@PineapplePtart: Be careful, newbies. Twitter changes you. I used to be Puerto Rican, now I'm Irish.
@Sir_Strange: Women who don't even acknowledge your existence just want you to try harder. I recommend hiding naked in her closet with a block of cheese.