@Reverend_Scott: Inspirational tweet: There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope yours is a freight train.
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@mynameisntdave: What if all DJs decided at once to stop using the infamous air horn sound effect and started using the sound of an old man climbing stairs?
@Ideal_Victoria: *experiences all five stages of grief while the waiter walks by my table with what I thought was my dinner*
@TeaPainUSA: Kelly Ayotte says "Donald Trump is absolutely a role model for kids." She's right, kids don't pay taxes either.
@dafloydsta: [couples therapy] HER: His obsession with Star Wars is tearing us apart ME: *covering my Yoda doll's ears* Hear you he can, Karen