@megfraser: Inspired by Baby Jesus, I'm hoping to get nailed this weekend.
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@ericsshadow: My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
@inigoomontoya: I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again
@MsBross: Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children. Adults tend to get offended.
@gerryhallcomedy: My daughter is late coming down to breakfast. Her 3 strips of bacon are getting cold. I mean 2 strips. Sorry, 1 strip. She'll have cereal.