@megfraser: Inspired by Baby Jesus, I'm hoping to get nailed this weekend.
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@thepunningman: "How many volunteers do we have for my evil army?" 384 my liege "Ok, round them up" 400 my liege
@Sassafrantz: Why are guys so desperate for oral sex? We swallow over 57 spiders a yr while sleeping.The odds that 1 could come back up should terrify you
@squirrel74wkgn: I'm not sure who's more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
@Smethanie: A really effective car insurance ad would just show pics of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say: Because these girls have licenses.