@StellaRtwot: Instagram better not use my cloud pics. THEY'RE MY CLOUDS GET YOUR OWN CLOUDS ZUCKERBERG!
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@UNTRESOR: Health level: my credit card company called me about fraud because I bought a vegetable.
@AristotlesNZ: Love how dog food commercials advertise tastier formulas like that matters when deciding what to buy & feed a pet who eats its own vomit.
@TheDairylandDon: [drops capsule in woman's drink] Maybe when that's finished, we can get out of here? [green sponge dinosaur grows out of glass] Ready to go?
@thefosterer: If I ever lose my girlfriend in the mall I just start checking other girls out and bam there she is yelling at me