@biggarf: Instagram would have been a good name for a weed delivery service
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@EndhooS: Yelling "PARKOUR" whenever your toddler falls over is an easy way to make him look like a cool free runner rather than a clumsy little idiot
@Book_Krazy: 9: Whatcha watching? Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there? Me: Two people. 9: Are they married? Me: Not for long.
@sad_tree: There was an episode of the Flintstones where a mechanic worked on Fred's car HEY FRED YOURE GETTING RIPPED OFF THERE IS NO ENGINE IN THERE
@AmishPornStar1: You know you're getting old when you sound like a women's tennis match just trying to get out of bed.