@biggarf: Instagram would have been a good name for a weed delivery service
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@AndrewNadeau0: Viking funerals are perfect for when you want to honor a friend and also get rid of a boat.
@TheToddWilliams: "It seems like many polls are turning against you. How do you respond?" TRUMP: They should be sent back to Poland. Very dangerous people.
@JoshuaHvr: Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I'm Tweeting." Boss: "What's the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
@Maxine12333: Wish we had the power of at least one 'do over' in our lives. I used mine up in the 1st grade and winning at hopscotch wasn't worth it.