@EastKentTom: Instagram's down? What am I supposed to do with my cat? Stroke it?
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@MumsieEsq: Tweets are like your children: you love them all at first, you never know how they’ll age, and most of them you regret creating.
@stuckinaportal: "were u & mommy wrestling naked last night?" haha no honey ur mom & i were just playing *pulls wife aside* DID U TELL HER ABOUT FIGHT CLUB?
@Storminika: I win arguments with cab drivers by getting out of the cab and leaving the door open.
@chrisdelia: Hey girls, you are not a "mommy" just because you own a dog. You have to have a kid to be a mommy. If you are a mommy, then I am a dragon.