@TuffyNyC: "Instead of a 58 year old woman, I wanna look like a 28 year old shiny iguana" - Plastic Surgery
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@iNusku: I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet.
@Torriable: I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can't even afford A washer or a dryer
@iwearaonesie: wife: WHO LOADED THE DISHWASHER? [cut to me sitting at a bus station waiting to start my new life]
@NotThatKunal: Robocop's guns malfunction. Robocop gets sued for manslaughter. Robocop loses his home. Hobocop.