@TuffyNyC: "Instead of a 58 year old woman, I wanna look like a 28 year old shiny iguana" - Plastic Surgery
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@causticbob: Why do sanitary towel adverts always feature a liquid which is blue? Are aliens their primary customers?
@Pro_Jones_: Farmer Dad: Having a good party son? Farmer Son: No. The music sucks. FD: Well then- FS: Don't. FD: Lettuce turnip the beet.
@ShesARealGenius: [FIRST DATE] Me, opening mouth seductively: "And this is where I burned my tongue on pizza, and this is where I burned my tongue on fries, a