@TuffyNyC: "Instead of a 58 year old woman, I wanna look like a 28 year old shiny iguana" - Plastic Surgery
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@OfficeofSteve: I always leave my vehicles gas on empty because I want thiefs to be as pissed off as my wife
@Rollmaninoz: *pterodactyl wakes his wife up pissing at 3am* WIFE: I thought your pee was supposed to be silent!!!
@Nikkeya08: Police officer: When's your birthday? Me: (Drunk) um ok thats easy... ten dash four PO: What year? Me: Ugh duh every year