@TuffyNyC: "Instead of a 58 year old woman, I wanna look like a 28 year old shiny iguana" - Plastic Surgery
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@Owl_Meat: [highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]
@shawnspree: Banned an 80 year old man for life from attending NBA games. What's that? Like maybe 10 years?
@TheAlexNevil: *gets bitten by a radioactive bear *before developing super powers, gets eaten by radioactive bear
@Rollinintheseat: They say a woman deserves a man that looks at her every day like it's the first time he's seen her. It's wrong to promote Alzheimer's.