@TuffyNyC: "Instead of a 58 year old woman, I wanna look like a 28 year old shiny iguana" - Plastic Surgery
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@Contwixt: Went to get coffee for a coworker. I effed up the order, but used it as a teaching opportunity to illustrate the dangers of outsourcing.
@Jandalize: I dropped my soap in the shower. On purpose. Nothing happened. You guys are full of it.
@smilely_gal: 5 missed calls from my mom. Frantically called her back, expecting tragedy; nope, wallets are on sale at Kohl's.
@Drivelodeon: Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have.