@ericsshadow: Instead of a DING DONG sound, I wish my doorbell would explain to the person how much I don't want to get off the couch.
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@RevReee: I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
@funnybeachgirl: 2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says "YOU MAN THE GUNS, I'LL DRIVE!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm not deleting this)
@sixfootcandy: And in conclusion, may I say that black robe is very slimming on you, Your Honor. And I've never seen a bigger gavel.
@MedikalMiracle: "Hey, long time. Wassup?" should be auto-corrected to "Dude. Can you do me a favor?"