@ericsshadow: Instead of a DING DONG sound, I wish my doorbell would explain to the person how much I don't want to get off the couch.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [housefly pilot training] Instructor: You encounter a window! What do you do? X: Test the same 3 spots for weakness? I: Repeatedly! Good.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to all the dormant volcanoes out there, just chillin', keepin' that magma to themselves and whatnot.
@Contwixt: "I need a timing belt & power steering for my life" I say to my new bros, using the only 2 car-terms I know in a single testosterone bullet.
@wittwitbarista: See that sad girl up on the hill with tears ? That's not me..I'm the one over there running away from a goose with a corn dog in my hand.