@AimeeHelene1: Instead of a jar to collect change for vacation, I'm going to start one for bail money, for when it flip out on stupid people in public.
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@Gooooats: *standing by the turntables at the club* Her: are you the dj? Me: wha?... Oh, no, I was hoping this was a crepe station
@radtoria: Hey baby, do you like tan lines? Because I fell asleep with a badminton racquet on my face again and
@Reverend_Scott: [Boss' office] "You're late AGAIN." Drove back for my phone. "Why do need it at work?" It's all I do. "WHAT?" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.
@Sam_From_Kansas: Alan from Facebook is concerned about "boarder" control and thinks they should "learn our langage"