@AimeeHelene1: Instead of a jar to collect change for vacation, I'm going to start one for bail money, for when it flip out on stupid people in public.
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@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: You say you're an atheist, yet you tell people they can "go to hell!" Make up your mind already.
@simoncholland: My GPS just told me to turn left into a cornfield and now I'm afraid it wants to murder me.
@GrandadJFreeman: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.