@AimeeHelene1: Instead of a jar to collect change for vacation, I'm going to start one for bail money, for when it flip out on stupid people in public.
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@AbrasiveGhost: [Opens a beer at the park] "Dude. There's kids here." Oh shit how rude of me. [turns] IF YOU KIDS WANT SOME BEERS THEYRE IN THE COOLER
@xofreckles: Once, I got pulled over because a cop thought my car was on fire but really it was just my hair flying out the sunroof.
@Abfablee: My tombstone will say, "She was a people pleaser most of her life until one day she snapped and had to be taken out by the national guard."