@FuckabillyRex: Instead of a post-workout protein shake I have mashed potatoes and gravy and instead of working out I have mashed potatoes and gravy.
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@InternetHippo: [inventing dialup internet] What should it sound like when it's connecting? [guy in the back stands up confidently] Pterodactyls
@jus4golf: Me: What's for dinner? Her: Chinese. Me: I will make the Duck Sauce. *catches duck *fires up juicer