@JDBooie: Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.
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@MikeMcNeil_: wife: "HOW ARE WE OUT OF ICE AGAIN?" me: "DUNNO," I yell from the bathroom; the penguin and I can barely contain our laughter.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I've been a vegetarian for 13 years but if I ever got the chance I would absolutely 100% bite the head off the Geico gecko
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do they only put expiration DATES on food? It'd be fun as hell if they gave us the exact time too. "We got 8 minutes to eat this ham!!!"