@JDBooie: Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.
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@psybermonkey: *Movie's 10 second sex scene begins My dad who's been missing for 12 years: hey whatcha watchin'
@jonnysun: *packs 12 books to read on vacation* im gona read so much i cant wait [1 wk later] *opens suitcase* *somhow has 16 unread books now* wat the
@Tetley6969: At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty. My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something.