@JDBooie: Instead of a sock on your door, hang a doughnut. Not only is Doughnut Disturb hilarious, you provide a snack for your now homeless roommate.
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@meatlobes: Michael Cera pretending to read the nutritional facts when his dad catches him struggling to open a jar of pickles
@lawking30: She asked for my name, if I'm alone, had me remove belt/shoes & take out what I have in my pants. Interactions w/TSA agents are underrated.
@iamburtjarvis: HOW TO SURVIVE A BEAR ATTACK: STEP 1: buy a recliner STEP 2: buy some beer STEP 3: stay home and watch tv instead of going into the woods
@JasonLight73: I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!