@BuffaloHomo: Instead of being frustrated that you only have a 140 character limit just be thankful that I do.
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@Cheeseboy22: It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
@DamienFahey: When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?" I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."
@7_Cents: United States: There's 5280 feet in one mile. Rest of the World: What even is that? United States: Lol, we made it up.
@joejwest: [beach] [a foot washes up] [next, a boot] [I combine them] [more parts arrive] [I keep building] [I stand back] ME: Oh no..you?! HITLER: Yep