@BuffaloHomo: Instead of being frustrated that you only have a 140 character limit just be thankful that I do.
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@KatieBurnett: If they stop texting back you need to assume they've died and move on. If you see them out just smile because you ain't afraid of no ghost
@Dutch_50: Doctor: You have acute alcoholism. Me: Thanks, but let me tell you it's not very cute in the morning.
@TheRolo: Nurse: You can come inside now. *Stands up* *Dusts off jacket* *Straightens bow tie* *Fastens cufflinks* *Ahem* "That's what she said"
@fillthevacuum: Oh, those stick figures on your car aren't for the bike riders you hit? *removes 14 stick figures from car*