@OfficeofSteve: Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window
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@AnkCoupleTO: [in bed] Her: *seductively whispering* in the mood for a midnight snack? Me: *Oreo crumbs all over my face* I'm way ahead of you
@Thynebear: "What? Only 2% Milk? Then what's the other 98%!?" [bull walking confidently out of the factory] Oh you don't wanna know
@notacroc: [date] Her: so you're a mathematician? Me: no actually I'm a *pythagorean doves fly out of my sleeve and hit her in the face* mathemagician
@ibid78: Ever since we lowered our ceilings here at the shipyard, sails have gone through the roof.