@OfficeofSteve: Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@davedittell: WIFE: Dave's here HUSBAND: Dave from work or Dave who always wears scarves? ME: [from downstairs] I got caught in the ceiling fan again!
@see_more13: At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
@JesKeepSwimming: Goldilocks taught me that you can get away with breaking into a brown family's home and stealing their food, as long as you're a white girl.
@CulturedRuffian: Paula Hawkins: What should I call my book about a girl on a train? Publicist: Let's call the guy who named the movie 'Snakes On A Plane'.