@OfficeofSteve: Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: Well, they say a mirror adds ten pounds. Me: That's a cam- Wife: ... Me: Yes. Yes they do.
@ReeseButCallMeV: I taught my 1yo how to turn on my mother-in-law's dishwasher since she only uses it for storage.
@BriarSly: Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson. If you don't finish something...it's really not the end of the world.
@MarfSalvador: Him: Wanna see my prison tats? Her: Ooh ok I like bad boys Him: This one *lifts shirt* is of Alcatraz. It was built in 1934 and closed in