@Gooooats: Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
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@shanethevein: The doctor asked if I was sexual active. I shook my head and said "Not in front of the wife".
@Maxine12339: Must spend less time with my dogs. Haven't bitten the mailman yet but I am starting to circle three times before sitting down.
@qwertying: Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?
@Shock_Monster: Anyone that says there are no stupid questions has never had to explain to a 5 year old why there are no pink bananas 267 times today.