@KKBowls: Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid
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@tdawks: The hurt I feel when someone leaves the bus seat next to mine for a newly empty one is almost exactly equal to my annoyance when they don't.
@eXentRic_: Excuse me waiter, I'm in a bit of a hurry, do you have something that has already been Instagrammed?
@marcia_bee: Imagine me in bed. Wrong. Wetter. Wrong again. Wetter. Wrong AGAIN! Soaking wet. This leaky roof is gonna cost me a fortune to fix!