@birbigs: Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
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@DrainBamagedHD: Hey, people who leave the volume on an odd, non divisible by 5 number, how do you live with yourselves?!
@_davidlucas_: He goes out for a run, and doesn't even stop to sniff any crotches. Humans are weird. ~Dogs.
@astutenewf: When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.