@birbigs: Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
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@mjkspeaks: [at ER] ME: my stomach hurts. DOC: have you been able to eat anything today? ME: yeah, like 75 pieces of pizza.
@gobmentcheese: A romcom where I go to stop you at the airport, except I go to Cinnabon & then forget why I'm at the airport.
@gagging: If you think marijuana doesn't kill you've obviously never read the bible. People getting stoned to death left and right.