@jwoodham: Instead of pulling people over for texting, the police should be out there pulling people over for not texting me back.
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@ashleycrem: I had children for two reasons; I wanted to start a loving family, and I needed a quick excuse to leave things.
@capricecrane: What they say: "Wow, you're really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."