@Randazzoj: Instead of racism or misogyny, why not hate the people who wear pyjamas and slippers to the airport?
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@DirtMcTurd: My friends call me Superman, not because I help people, its because I wear the same clothes everyday
@JohnLyonTweets: Instead of a happy ending the masseuse gave me an indie movie ending. She stopped suddenly at a random point and left everything unresolved.
@Kyle_Lippert: HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1) Put a saddle on it 2) Get on 3) Oh god it's destroying the village with fire 4) WHY DIDN'T I GET A CAT INSTEAD?!