@ericspeaksout: Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room.
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@TEXASVETERAN: If I get married, I'd take my wife to a deserted island on our honeymoon. On our 15th anniversary, I'd return to pick her up. Maybe.
@Tharin_P: How much credibility is there in that whole "you can punch yourself handsome" theory? Asking for a friend.
@Home_Halfway: Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs
@TeaAndCopy: WIFE: Kate's new baby is 7lbs 11oz ME: WIFE: Roughly ½ a stone ME: WIFE: 3½ kilos ME: WIFE: [sigh] a four pack of beer ME: Oh cool