@ericspeaksout: Instead of the death penalty they should make prisoners nice and comfortable and then tell them that the remote control is across the room.
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@WhiskeySoured: If a bear is chasing you, don't run. Be very still and tweet about it because you're about to die.
@SondraDeeMe: [party] ME: I'm uncomfortable BF: Just mingle ME: Do I introduce myself? BF: We're at your family reunion
@ElleOhHell: "Excuse me, waiter? Can I get a doggy bag" "Sorry ma'am, we only have Doge bags." Much leftovers So pasta Very taking home Wow reheat at 350