@Darlainky: Instead of throwing away broken phone charger cords, 5 years ago I started saving them for an experiment. I’m 3 cords away from a complete world wrap around.
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@EricBedner: "Bye, losers." *puts on motorcycle helmet and sunglasses* *rides unicycle into an elevator* "Can you push the button for the lobby please."
@iresurfaced: I dropped my phone when my friend accidently bumped my arm. It didn't break but for a moment I saw her whole life flash in front of my eyes.
@batkaren: KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week