@iAmGolfy: Instead of "Who's your daddy?" I accidentally said "How's your daddy?" and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father's cholesterol
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@pleatedjeans: When getting rid of old clothes you have 2 options: 1. Donate to Goodwill 2. Dress every raccoon within a 5-mile radius
@imteddybless: [cool person follows me] me: ok I gotta bring my A game now it's only good tweets from here me 5 mins later: horses r just big dogs ?
@torrami: Our wifi is down and I had to fap using only my imagination like some kind of savage :(