@Dutch_50: Instructions in the Men's Room for hand washing. Because non-hand washers can't be bothered unless there's an opportunity to learn stuff.
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@WorkingMom86: My son plays this game where he's a bowling ball and the bowling pins are everything we own.
@moose_chocolate: If familiarity breeds contempt and absence makes the heart grow fonder, then by definition marriage is a terrible idea.
@InternetHippo: ME (tousling his hair): You got a girlfriend? 8 YEAR-OLD: Yeah ME (grabbing him by the collar): How. How did you do it
@mrtruthandsoul: Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?