@OGJefe: Intelligence is the new cleavage
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@QwertyJones3: [nail salon] Excuse me, do you do filing here? "Yes of course we do!" Great! I need a good refund *hands over tax forms*
@jjhartinger: A telemarketer called and said,"can I speak with the man of the house." I replied, "sure" and gave the phone to the cat.
@aaronup: Psssst. Hey you, Yeah you...Facebook parent. Your kid looks the same as it did 8 minutes ago. When you posted the other 45 pics. We get it
@McNevich: Hi guys! Nick is very handsome and an amazing cook. Are there any nice girls interested inMOM GET OFF MY TWITTER YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING