@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside

@Reverend_Scott: Carl: Cold out night. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: NASA found LSD improved spiders' ability to make webs. Me: Fair enough.

@AimeeHelene1: Them: Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you leave... Me: *doing the limbo under the police tape at a crime scene*

@AndyAsAdjective: I am astonishingly jubilant that I ultimately uncovered my mislaid thesaurus.

@DevilryFun: I needed a break from stupidity so I left work early.