@JohnLyonTweets: Interesting how Lassie always happens to be at the scene when a kid "falls" down a well.
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@Rollmaninoz: *ship enters earth atmosphere* Alien 1: Finally a signal *turns radio on* *Ed Sheeran 'Shape Of You' plays* Alien 2: SO sick of this guy OMG
@Reverend_Scott: [opens GPS voice command] FIND DOGS TO PET
@fuzzlime: I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race
@FeelingMervis: If Pitbull wasn't famous he'd easily be the creepiest guy in every club he visits.
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